Thirty Seven

1

As a child, I didn’t know that your death
will haunt me everyday.
I couldn’t imagine, that the pain of losing you
will creep up on me
in the supermarket,
sitting on a train,
drinking coffee,
eating cake,
or brushing my teeth,
unannounced,
any day,
any time.

As a child, I didn’t know
that this heartache will linger forever.
The longing will not go away.
I prayed for this sad dream to end,
for you to be by my side
in the morning,
to love me
and be my mother.

As a man, I want to be strong
and hide my tears from the world.
I’ve made peace
with your shadow following me around.
I know where you are:
Just a memory.
Gone.

But today, I’m falling apart.
Like a little boy, I cry.
I miss you
and wish you were here to
be proud of who I am..
to love me
and be my mother.

** Elsie Caroliena Lubbe died 17 March, 1984. She was 37. I miss her every day. **


Credits:
Images Francois Lubbe
Text: FR Lubbe

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